For the majority of my life, my (very hyperactive) ADHD was overwhelmingly shaping my activities, however I kinda enjoyed it, because I could daydream and have fun while staying ahead of the curve.

But as I got older, the societal and economic elements of school and work slowly removed my ability to daydream as my brain matured and I also developed depression and increasing sleep deprivation. Suddenly I was stuck in reality with no way out and all I could do was finding some escape, like internet addiction, compulsively staying up late so I could get more time away from the thing that drained me, and relying on stimulants. These coping mechanisms aren't really healthy.

I lack the skills to tackle things analytically, as the system only taught these skills to neurotypicals. Teachers and parents told me I am smart, and I thought I could just wing it, especially with the expectations I was gifted. I can't handle trivial problems like a neurotypical would, and relearning these “basic” things is a massive pain, and even with medication, I am nowhere near socially acceptable standards. My self-esteem took a massive hit, but also made me finally realize I am in fact different and need to use different approaches to obstacles, instead of following what is “normal”.

I wish I knew I wasn't alone, I wish the society wouldn't downplay neurodivergent folks' struggles, I wish for more understanding.

Fuck capitalism and the current system.

— Natty 🏳️‍⚧️

Tags: #ADHD